Things We Teach
Funny things happen in life; for instance, why can we always tell someone they shouldn’t do something, yet they seem to want to do it anyway? When we have teenagers and small kids, we tell them not to drink alcohol, not do drugs, not to gossip about people, not to bully people, to try to be kind to everyone, and to treat people like they want to be treated. We hope that these things we tell our children and that we hear ourselves growing up sticks that they take with them when they are out into the world.
Telling Me
When I was growing up, I remember my parents telling me, “We’re not saying you will never drink alcohol, but what we are saying is everything in moderation, do not get drunk, and by the way, social drinking is one, maybe two drinks, no more.” I would chuckle at this growing up as a teenager, thinking only one, maybe two drinks, that’s nothing, but I also hadn’t drunk anything alcohol at that point.” Then, I was introduced to the wine cooler at 17 years old. And what was terrible, well, since I hadn’t had anything to drink, it only took one and a half to make me feel it. This may be amusing to some people, but I realized I wouldn’t say I liked drinking much after that. But it didn’t stop me from wanting to try just because my parents told me everything was in moderation.
Actions
While I was growing up, my father smoked, which was a common thing in the 80s and 90s. I can’t remember one time my parents told me not to smoke, yet to this day, I’ve never tried a cigarette, nor have I wanted to try a cigarette. When you think about it, we tell our kids not to do something, yet they either do what we show them or strongly dislike because we show them what they don’t want to live like. See, my parents never had to tell me not to smoke a cigarette because I was not too fond of the smell of it. I detested to be around it; I loathed to see someone putting a cigarette to their lips. I made it up in my mind before I ever started dating that I would never date someone who smoked. Why would I want someone to kiss me when they taste like tobacco or smell like smoke? This is a testament to the profound influence my parents had on my values.
Their Own Path
As a mother, I have told my children many things they shouldn’t do. And many things that they should do. Now, I’m not saying that I have bad kids. But every one of my children is very different. And I’ve come to understand that almost every child, including myself, feels like they have to chart their path, not just my children. So, while they may hear several things I’ve told them in life, it doesn’t mean they will do it. Most likely, they’re going to try to do it their way and learn the hard way until they come back and tell me they should have done it the way I told them to do it the first go around, or they shouldn’t have done it at all as I told them. But one thing I can say is that every one of my kids has told me that there are certain things they’ve seen me do or people around them do that they will never do in their life because they do not want that in their life just as I did with my father in smoking.
Actions speak Louder
Actions do indeed speak louder than words. When you see someone with a habit you do not like, you make it up in your mind that you don’t want to be around and do not want to have that around your children, or at least I do. And our children are no different. So, while I hope that my children listen to me on things I have told them growing up, I can only hope they have seen me live a life they somewhat want to be like. I hope that my kids see how I’ve treated people kindly even when they didn’t deserve it, how I didn’t let people run over me and stood up for what I thought was right when I needed to, How it’s OK to better yourself even when other people want to hold you back, and how I have forgiven people Even when my feelings have been hurt to the point of breaking, And by the way forgiving someone does not mean you have to forget about what they did to you and be around them you can always walk away from a relationship that’s not healthy for you.
Words that match my Actions
I am not the perfect parent by far, nor the ideal daughter. But now that I am grown, I do look back and say there were so many things my parents told me that I had to venture out and try them out and learn the hard way, as my kids have done. And that’s OK because, in the end, actions truly speak louder than words, and we all learn Some of the biggest lessons from our actions. But I hope my actions as a parent and my words match the critical things in life. I hope my children will learn from their actions and make the right choices in life.
My current book is a romantic book of actions with much emotion.